


Green

by thesewarmstars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-15
Updated: 2010-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-25 12:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1649210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesewarmstars/pseuds/thesewarmstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry discovers there are, in fact, worse things than being jealous of himself.</p><p>Written for severus_sighs Anti-Valentine's Fest, in response to prompt 5: Roses, bows and love letters, and other such delusions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Green

Harry bit his lip as he shuffled through the corridors at St. Mungo’s. Would today be a good day? He had no way of knowing. Sometimes Severus recognized him and sometimes he didn’t – there was really no predicting it.

He turned the corner from the purple corridor to the blue corridor and popped his head into the Mediwizards’ Station. “All right if I go on in?” he asked.

“Oh, of course,” one of them said with an absent wave of a hand. “He seems to be having a… well, a better-than-usual day. Just ring the bell if you need anything.”

“Right. Yeah, definitely. Thanks a lot,” Harry answered, turning back down the long expanse of blue. He clenched his hands around his parcel, wondering if maybe it wouldn’t be completely wasted after all. Maybe Severus would understand that it was given with love. Maybe, for a moment, he would remember the years they’d shared and look on Harry the way he used to.

Harry shook his head, trying in vain to dislodge the fleeting fancy. In the last several months he had learned not to trust to hope, but he couldn’t help feeling just a bit optimistic, just for today.

When he reached Severus’ door, he gave a cursory knock and entered with a tentative smile, ready to greet his husband. His ‘hello’, however, was curtailed by the scene that met him.

“ – much you mean to me, Dearest,” Severus was saying, seemingly addressing the empty chair across the table from him. “I hope you like it.”

Harry watched, entranced, as Severus unfolded his fingers and reached across the low metal table, some invisible offering on his outstretched palm. Severus gave that little half-smile, the one that had been just for Harry, and Harry couldn’t help but smile with him. It warmed his heart to know that even if they couldn’t be together anymore in the real world, not really, at least he could be with Severus in his imagination. They could do anything and go anywhere together, here in this tiny room with its four yellow walls and sleek metal table. It was equal parts joy and sorrow to know that their love meant so much to Severus that it followed him even into the shadows of his dementia. 

For a moment, he envied Severus the freedom to keep his loved ones with him always, no matter how far away they might be. How lovely it must be to live in a world in which neither distance nor circumstance nor the passage of time could tarnish the good things in life, where love would always be bright and shiny and golden.

But that solace was not for him; he was cursed with the soundness of mind to be painfully aware of the fact that he would never have the man he knew, the man he fell in love with, back again.

“Severus?” he ventured, his chest tight with hope and restraint. He waited, but Severus did not turn. “Severus, I brought you – ”

“It isn’t much, I know,” Severus interrupted, letting his hand drop, “But it is from the heart. A woefully insufficient trinket to remind you how much I love you.”

“Oh, Severus,” Harry whispered, nearly overcome with wanting to be that other Harry, the only one it seemed his Severus could share himself with anymore. 

“Now don’t be embarrassed,” Severus said, tilting his head to peer across the table to the empty chair. “You know I love to see your eyes.”

“Yes,” Harry choked out, “I know, I know.” Merlin, this was going to kill him. 

“I love you, Lily,” Severus said softly, and Harry felt his entire body go cold. “I love you so much.”


End file.
